frm da pages of an old diary

Riding on a hope is like livin a psuedo dream,
the difference is when hopes are shattered, the pain overpowers the scream.
Iam left wonderin where did i go wrong.....wait
     desperately i tried to clinch the fate.
no......... that can't be happening.... i've put in
too much effort ...do u have any idea?
I've given the best part of my life and I shall not retreat.
I've come dis far and refuse to accept defeat.
Somewhere the heart is hesistant to walk again,
but as if nw i have any choice to refrain.
Can antbody tell me how to start,
         with a bleeding heart.
My psych says" its a phase...it will pass"
  but hangon you didnt tell what to do with the past.
Past is gone, futher brooding will cause more agony
   walking again and gettin a grip...
..........will silence the anguish of mental cacophony

THE WINDOW SEAT

alrite........so dis is abt my experience in a blueline bus.
u see i've taken dis bus quite often smtime back and trust me each ride was an experience in itself. i had a story to tell abt my ride each time my family gathered at the dinning table. all i wud say is " u knw wat happened today?" and unravel my tale.so i think i'll do da same here.....here it goes


cryin out loud
ok da first thing dat comes to our mind wen we think of  a blueline bus is...ummm... i dont knw... rowdy crowd...super fast...in short....... a travellin nightmare. well dis bus was no different except for da fact dat since it came badarpur side u just have to attach superlatives to da adjectives i just mentioned. i remember my friend had once mentioned dat one cud always ask for da "LADIES SEAT". But the strange thing was dat whichever male specie was occupying dat seat either acquired sleeping sickness or suddenly developed a pain in their legs...trustme according to me it was a pain in da ass.....really. but incidently all i use to do was to wake these guys up....shake dem if necessary and in also in many cases i have even yelled at a couple of ppl.....but all dat effort did earn me the most coveted ladies seat....i remember once i had pestered a guy so much for da seat dat he literally ran....it's been over a year dat i've took any bus.. but trust me i can proudly say dat never ever cud a seat escape me. but during my journey i would often see girls standin while a male passenger happily occupied a seat. dat girl wud never even ask!!!!!!!!!! sometimes all v need to do is to be a bit assertive abt our rights.....a bit pushy abt wantin da things dat belong to us....ive seen it more often dat ppl start a battle even before dey start minor arguments.....believe sometimes da situation isn't as complicated as it appears to be.... all one needs to do is to reach out to da problem ...on many occassions it's not even a problem at all. but simply an issue dat needs ur attention at dat time.

saw it on da way

As on my way home yesterday. I saw a labour couple working alongside da road. It was a husband and wife team. The wife had a small baby abt 2-3 months old. It lay on da footpath pavement as she worked. The man whom I presumed was da husband was sitting and smoking. I only got a glimpse of da senario for abt 45 sec but lets say I remembered it vividly enough to write abt it. As mother she might work ardously to feed her child but at the end of day der is every possibility of her husband taking away her earning to scourge away in wine and smoke. I dont think she knows abt the legal aids she can be administered to save herself frm such harrasment. But then again such is the indian womens mentality dey will go on and on to stay in a marriage no matter how abusive it might be rather live peacefully alone... this is exactly where we need a capacity building and self reliance.

my world just crashed

well when things go da rite way...everything seems to fall in its right place. but wen a ground below quavers just a little bit...entire edifice comes crashing down...this is exactly wats happenin to me rite nw... as i stand helplessly lookin at my years of endeavour...wispin away..fallin apart and peelin off layer by layer..all dis is happen just before my eyes...sometime u happen to in situations ...or wait a minute rather u happen to put urself into situation where all u can do is to just watch...its da same time frame...a couple of months back i had a change of experience...it was sunshine for me...its da same place ...da same person but a different senario...as everything settles down ..as da dust gathers by my feet i have to pick up wats left behind and start anew...a new beginning? nay a renewed beginning....